50 Shades of Sensory: Let’s Tie One On

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So one of Lady Sensory’s friends (her blog is over here) decided to start a book club this past week.  We are more excited than Rebecca Black on a Friday about our summer reading.  The first book selected for the club was Fifty Shades of Grey, by E L James. I picked it up on Monday and finished it Wednesday night.  I basically read it in two nights because I don’t count the one where I fell asleep reading it. Yes. I am one of the few women on the planet falling in the age demographic for “mommy porn” who did not enjoy this book.  As I suspected, this book annoyed the crap out of my inner feminist.  Or perhaps I should refer to her as my “inner goddess?”

Now, don’t get me wrong, my annoyance is not with the kinky BDSM sex scenes in the book.  In fact, those scenes are probably the most entertaining (bordering on comical) parts.  Despite that the book is a New York Times #1 bestseller, it’s just not very well-written.  I worry that it also sends the wrong message: that a woman (Anastasia Steele) could possibly change a psychologically damaging, abusive, controlling, dangerous man (Christian Grey) by loving him.  However, she’s equally to blame because in her delusional world, she thinks she is “special enough” to change him. When I think of the women who will stay in bad relationships because of this kind of fantasy, it makes me a little sick to my stomach.  And yet, I suppose the fantasy is what people like about it.  I guess if this alleged “mommy porn” spices up someone’s sex life, then so be it.  So in the famous words of Devo, “Whip it good!”

Enough with my rant. I’ve got a better idea for you if you get suckered into reading this book, or worse, all three in the trilogy.  It’s a Fifty Shades of Grey inspired game, starring my new favorite wine:

Apropos, no? If you are not into delicious Cabernet Sauvignon, then please feel free to select your beverage of choice. But if you like a good steak on the grill in the summer, you may want to give this Freakshow a whirl.

50 Shades of Grey Goose: The Drinking Game

Put the following words/phrases on slips of paper and put them in a hat. True to spirit, I’d recommend one with Viking horns because I imagine Christian Grey would find something useful to do with them.  Select two or three chapters of the book to read aloud and pick someone with dramatic flair who also can keep straight face while reading.  I’m willing to bet that all words on this list are covered within a randomized selection of three chapters. Collect everyone’s keys to add suspense. They’ll think they’re at some kind of swinger/swap party but the reality is: they are likely to get really drunk playing this and may need to sleep over.  If you’re not into booze you can make this a pathetic and creepy attempt at a scavenger hunt. Good luck with that.

Dominant – this one is mandatory because whoever draws this word gets to determine everyone else’s drinking “punishment” when their word is read.

“Inner Goddess”

“My sex”

Biting lip

Sir

Climax

Erection

Jeez

Sub or Submissive – I recommend this person acquire sub sandwiches if this is a scavenger hunt. Just reading about all this sex made me hungry.

Clitoris

Breath hitching – any reference

Flushing

Laters, baby

Spank

Groan

Foil or foil packet

Fifty shades – or any numerical reference to shades

Convulse (or some variant)

Tie

Tongue

Moan

Erection

Genital clamps – yeah, the poor bastard who draws this one gets a free pass for the whole game. Seriously.

Now, was it good for you?

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12 thoughts on “50 Shades of Sensory: Let’s Tie One On

  1. I love you for writing this – awesome post! I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re not alone. I had a book club about this book too (actually all THREE of them… yes, I read them all… it’s a week of my life I’ll never get back). And I was the only girl there that didn’t love the trilogy. Like you, my inner feminist was going NUTS most of the time. It’s good that you didn’t read the rest of the books because his overbearing, controlling behavior only gets worse.

    When I pressed them to tell me exactly why they LOVED the books so much, they couldn’t do it. They kept saying which parts annoyed them, but couldn’t pin point what captivated them. Was it just the sex? No, because one girl even said that after awhile, even that got kind of repetitive. Personally, I think it comes down to the fact that Christian Grey is gorgeous and has millions. Could you imagine the books doing as well as they did if he was a starving artist? Girls want the “Pretty Woman” romance.

    If you want to read my take on the whole Christian Grey phenomenon, you can read the entry I wrote last week…. would love to know what you think 🙂

    http://getwritedowntoit.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/when-did-prince-charming-get-so-twisted/

    • Great post. I totally forgot to include, “Eat,” “Butt Plugs” and “Red Room of Pain” to the word list. Feel free to get creative with your own drinking game. You clearly earned it by suffering through a week of Christian Grey torture. Literally. I felt the ending of the first was the way it should be (without giving anything away). I had a hunch for how the next two would go and confirmed with some online spoilers. I’m glad I saved myself the money. I can now apply it toward my wine store bill.

  2. Susan

    I think you need to add “murmured” to that list! I’ve never seen a writer use that horrible descriptive for SAID in my life. Is “said” such an awful word to use!? Ugh!

  3. This is so great! I think reference to “falling apart around him” or “falling into a million pieces” would get one quite drunk, and quickly. I actually did enjoy the books, but wonder if the editor was paying attention after the first chapter.

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